Finally... graduate!

October 10, 2019, was a very special day for me. After passing so many ups and downs during for the past four years, I finally finished my study at Universitas Pendidikan Indonesia. Yeah! I am officially graduated. 

As the first person who earns a bachelor's degree in the family, this graduation day was so meaningful not only for me but the family. Thus, let me drop some of my roller-coaster experiences for the last four years in this post as a form of appreciation toward myself who have been so strong and walked so far to reach this step. I am going to tell the struggles and sacrifices, which, perhaps many people have no idea about what I have been going through all this time.

It's all started from here.

I still remember how I cried so hard over my failure that afternoon, realizing that I have lost a very important chance to make my future better. Someone said that expectation is the root of all heartache. I do agree!

                                           

This announcement really broke my heart at that time, but here I am now, finally realizing that this failure has shaped me into what I am today.

During my final year of high school, everyone was so busy with their plans after graduation. Some of them already had a well-thought plan to continue their studies at uni A, B, or C while others chose to work after they graduate. I was in a dilemma.

I had a very big dream to continue my studies at university. At the first place, I was aware that I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth and I didn't live with ease for years. No wonder, some people wouldn't believe that I could afford higher education. However, I do believe that "whoever strives, shall succeed." Fortunately, I have very supportive parents who always encourage me to pursue my dream, no matter what. They were willing to do anything to help me and I wouldn't forget everything that they have done to make me arrive at this point.

Long story short, with all the efforts, prayers, and sacrifices, that afternoon, the SBMPTN website officially announced that my name was listed there as one of the thousands who passed the selection. I also still remember how happy I was at that time. Indescribable! I already wrote the story behind that phase of my life here and here.

Back to how I survived college years, I can tell that it was an amazing self-discovery journey! College did not only shape me to be a bachelor, learn literature, linguistics, blah blah blah, but it taught me a looooot about life and myself.

To be honest, the first three semesters were supeeeeer hard for me. Everything wasn't going well; emotionally, physically, and financially.  First, I did not feel so comfortable in this major because it's out of my expectation. Moreover, I also felt that it's really hard for me to grow up in this environment. There were times when I thought I should quit and try to chase my first plan. However, I couldn't do more. I realized that there were many people out there who really want to be in this position but not as lucky as I am. So, I supposed to be grateful to have this opportunity, so yeah I decided to just suck everything up until I felt that it's not that bad actually. Although, until this post is published, I'm still wondering if I could do better in other places. Hmmm, I guess...

Besides, at the beginning of the third semester, I was sick for a period of time. I had to take medicine regularly. I had to go to the hospital periodically. I lose some weights. Yeah, you know that I already had a very thin body, so it was terrible since I had to lose them even more.

What's worse from all the sufferings above is that I was financially broke. I had to be very frugal since I knew that my parents sacrifice everything and they are willing to do anything to make sure that I can still continue my studies. So, you know how I luv them so much!

Seeing this condition, I just can't sit back and do nothing. Growing up as the first daughter in the family forced me to do more. Therefore, from the fourth semester, I made myself busy with a lot of things. I had to out of my comfort zone, even though I never had that kind of comfort zone. LOL

During the three months 'holiday' from college, I applied for some part-time jobs. While others were enjoying their holiday, I sent many application letters and did many interviews over and over again, with the hope that I'll be able to make this 'so-called holiday' would be more beneficial for me. I got the job but it was quite draining me since I had to work until midnight. I need to work my ass off to fulfil my needs. However, it was fun! I learned a lot of new things there and met a lot of people and friends. Also, one thing for sure, I knew that making money was not easy. 

For the past few years, I had some part-time jobs, from working at a restaurant until writing copy products. At first, I didn't do all of those things because I'd love to, but I was forced to do so. It was really tiring because I also had another responsibility as a daughter, sister, leader, and student at the same time. However, thanks to the situation, my resume is not that empty right now. LOL.

Moving forward to 2017, Allah finally granted one of my prayers by sending me to work at a company that later helped me a loooot in surviving my college years until today.

After that, I felt that the following semester has become much easier than before. Moreover, in the sixth semester, I joined a program called KKN. It was also a memorable phase of my college life. We spent 40 days together far from home, so I felt that I found a new family there. Again, I was lucky enough to meet them. 

In short, I started to accept that I didn't choose the wrong major. I started to make myself believe that I could adapt to the environment. Thus, I quite enjoyed the time even though I had to manage my time for class, organization, and work. I think that was because of my dearest friends in class and organization who always made my college days more enjoyable♥️ I owe all of you for the time we had spent together.

Aaaaand, the battlefield started again in the last semester. I had to do an internship program and write my research paper within one semester. Plus, I was still actively led an organization and hold a big responsibility at that time. No joke. I wasn't sure if I could do all the things together. The struggle to find a place for an internship program was also another thing. Let me tell you that I already had a plan for doing an internship program at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs since the fifth semester. I applied to the ministry a few months before the program started. You know what? I got a call from the ministry BUT I didn't pick up the call because of my stupidity. I left the phone somewhere and I got shocked when I saw there were many missed calls from (+621) xxxx. 

I had a bad feeling. So, I checked on the internet whose number is that and DANGGGG!!!! 

I tried my best to reach and call back the number but I wasn't lucky enough this time. the end. 

In short, finally, I had a chance to do an internship in a museum under the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. This one was also one of many memorable things I had during college. I learned a looooot of things here, it was a perfect place to learn, and it was all so useful for me. I was enjoying this internship so much until I forgot about my research paper which due in less than three months. Cry a river. 

After the internship ended, I had a quite hard time. I still couldn't figure out how to finish this paper within two months. I even took a break from my job for a month because this 'skripsi' things already consumed the whoooole mood and energy, so, I could not even think about another business. I started to focus and dedicated my 24/7 on this project only. I even uninstalled all of the social media applications on my phone. Every day, I started to write at 6 a.m and stopped around midnight. I did it every day, literally, every day. Wherever and whenever I could not think of other things except "skripsi, sidang, and wisuda."  Once, I said to mom that I could not finish the studies on time. Her response was out of my prediction, she only said that I already did my best since I could manage to study and work at the same time when perhaps many people couldn't do it. However, I knew that she still wished that I could finish my study on time. Lucky me, I had a very kind-hearted supervisor for my research paper. He's always available whenever I asked him to check my work. Even though there's a bit of problem at the end due to his health, but he's so responsible and he always tried to do his best. Thanks to him, I could submit my paper on time. May Allah repay your kindness, Pak.

The date of thesis defense was already announced. I was stressed out. I thought of many possibilities that would happen to me during the defense. I was afraid. I wasn't confident. I couldn't eat properly. I couldn't sleep. "How if I couldn't pass the defense?" "How if I failed?" "How if I made many people disappointed?". I didn't even dare to invite my friends to come to my defense because I was that afraid. I was so stressed until I left my wallet at home and wore the wrong shoes to campus on my thesis defense day. Miserable. Alhamdulillah, the thesis defense went well. It was not as scary as I thought. Overthinking ruined everything. 

Soooo yeaaaah, finally, here I am.

A couple of weeks ago, I'm officially signing out from this great university. I am relieved that I could see my family's smile on my special day. Grandma even cried while she was hugging me right after I arrived at gymnasium. I lost for words. Once again, I was lucky to have them in my life. 

Thank you for the opportunities and blessings that God have given to me.

For my mom, thank you for always be my favorite alarm every morning. You gave me strength. You already sacrifice everything to make me into what I am today. So, now it is my turn to sacrifice everything and do my best for you. I love you!

For my dad who is never tired to be my guardian, I love you! Thank you for always dropping me off to campus whenever I had morning classes, waiting for hours during my 2chs, picking me up when I had to go home late. Sometimes, I felt so bad because of that. But, one thing that I know is… you both love me that much, so do I.

I know it is a very precious opportunity and I am so thankful that I am finally able to reach this point.

I never thought that I could have an opportunity to become a college student and even a bachelor.

I never thought that I already start my career and get a job two years before I finally graduated. 

I also feel so grateful because Allah granted one of my prayers to become an independent at this age; buying things with my own money, paying my family bills and sister's tuition fee, saving, investing, and my favorite thing that I can do right now, helping others♥️

Alhamdulillah, all the sacrifices, struggles, prayers, bloods, sweats, tears are all worth fighting for.

I am aware that it is just a beginning.

There is still a lot of things that I really want to achieve. Soooo, what’s next?

Bandung, 30th of October 2019.